Like an expensive sports car, fine-tuned and well-built, Portia was sleek,
shapely, and gorgeous, her red jumpsuit moulding her body, which was as warm
as seatcovers in July, her hair as dark as new tires, her eyes flashing like
bright hubcaps, and her lips as dewy as the beads of fresh rain on the hood;
she was a woman driven -- fueled by a single accelerant -- and she needed a
man, a man who wouldn't shift from his views, a man to steer her along the
right road: a man like Alf Romeo.
-- Rachel Sheeley, winner
The hair ball blocking the drain of the shower reminded Laura she would never
see her little dog Pritzi again.
-- Claudia Fields, runner-up
It could have been an organically based disturbance of the brain -- perhaps a
tumor or a metabolic deficiency -- but after a thorough neurological exam it
was determined that Byron was simply a jerk.
-- Jeff Jahnke, runner-up
Winners in the 7th Annual Bulwer-Lytton Bad Writing Contest. The contest is
named after the author of the immortal lines: "It was a dark and stormy
night." The object of the contest is to write the opening sentence of the
worst possible novel.
2026
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squiral
Iris 1.1.3
544 topics, 380 unread.
3720 messages, 2238 unread.
218 authors.
~sadikkuzu
last updated pages
@sadikkuzu
Time is: Mon May 4 00:01:01 CDT 2026 - 00:01:01 up 382 days, 8:03, 93 users, load average: 6.69, 3.63, 2.44 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 01:00:01 CDT 2026 - 01:00:01 up 382 days, 9:02, 93 users, load average: 1.81, 1.74, 1.79 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 02:00:01 CDT 2026 - 02:00:01 up 382 days, 10:02, 93 users, load average: 1.45, 1.47, 1.66 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 03:00:01 CDT 2026 - 03:00:01 up 382 days, 11:02, 93 users, load average: 1.22, 1.52, 1.70 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 04:00:02 CDT 2026 - 04:00:02 up 382 days, 12:02, 93 users, load average: 1.44, 1.72, 1.83 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 05:00:01 CDT 2026 - 05:00:02 up 382 days, 13:02, 94 users, load average: 4.13, 2.21, 1.95 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 06:00:02 CDT 2026 - 06:00:02 up 382 days, 14:02, 95 users, load average: 1.50, 1.83, 1.88 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 07:00:01 CDT 2026 - 07:00:02 up 382 days, 15:02, 94 users, load average: 1.48, 1.85, 2.02 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 08:00:02 CDT 2026 - 08:00:02 up 382 days, 16:02, 94 users, load average: 1.76, 1.76, 1.89 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 09:00:03 CDT 2026 - 09:00:04 up 382 days, 17:02, 95 users, load average: 4.74, 2.48, 2.21 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia pgadey phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 10:00:02 CDT 2026 - 10:00:03 up 382 days, 18:02, 95 users, load average: 1.39, 1.60, 1.78 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia pgadey phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 11:00:04 CDT 2026 - 11:00:04 up 382 days, 19:02, 95 users, load average: 4.61, 2.51, 2.10 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia pgadey phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 12:00:02 CDT 2026 - 12:00:02 up 382 days, 20:02, 95 users, load average: 4.64, 2.39, 2.07 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia pgadey phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 13:00:02 CDT 2026 - 13:00:03 up 382 days, 21:02, 95 users, load average: 1.83, 1.71, 1.75 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia pgadey phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 14:00:01 CDT 2026 - 14:00:02 up 382 days, 22:02, 96 users, load average: 1.58, 1.75, 1.86 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 avalyn calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia pgadey phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 15:00:01 CDT 2026 - 15:00:02 up 382 days, 23:02, 95 users, load average: 1.47, 1.68, 1.83 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia pgadey phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 16:00:03 CDT 2026 - 16:00:03 up 383 days, 2 min, 96 users, load average: 1.52, 1.88, 2.00 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia pgadey phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 17:00:03 CDT 2026 - 17:00:03 up 383 days, 1:02, 96 users, load average: 1.91, 1.75, 1.75 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia pgadey phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 18:00:01 CDT 2026 - 18:00:01 up 383 days, 2:02, 96 users, load average: 1.85, 1.81, 1.84 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia pgadey phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 19:00:02 CDT 2026 - 19:00:02 up 383 days, 3:02, 95 users, load average: 3.87, 2.04, 1.82 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia pgadey phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 20:00:02 CDT 2026 - 20:00:02 up 383 days, 4:02, 95 users, load average: 1.77, 1.76, 1.78 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia pgadey phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 21:00:04 CDT 2026 - 21:00:04 up 383 days, 5:02, 94 users, load average: 5.07, 2.43, 2.00 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 22:00:03 CDT 2026 - 22:00:04 up 383 days, 6:02, 94 users, load average: 1.56, 1.68, 1.79 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg
Time is: Mon May 4 23:00:02 CDT 2026 - 23:00:03 up 383 days, 7:02, 94 users, load average: 1.56, 1.53, 1.68 - 8lurry Asara ajhalili2006 androw androw androw androw anon3 anon3 anon3 calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous calamitous cgall cgall cgall croffle croffle drot drot drot edisondotme fey fey flaafy flaafy flaafy flaafy fleg fro gagrilli gagrilli gagrilli grym helenah identity2 jco juanpablocastel kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo kasmo krist krist krist krist lukgth mgc mgc nmua01 pareid0lia phoebos protodrew protodrew protodrew rocky rocky rocky root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root root shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo shugo singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 singletona082 squid tg0 tom vitorg