“When you know nothing matters, the universe is yours. And I’ve never met a universe that was into it.” “God’s turning people into insect monsters, Beth. I’m the one beating them to death. Thank me. – Jerry” “Listen, I’m not the nicest guy in the universe, because I’m the smartest, and being nice is something stupid people do to hedge their bets.” Rick “There is no god, Summer; gotta rip that band-aid off now you’ll thank me later.” – Rick “We’ve got a lot of friends and family to exterminate. ” Rick “Homework is stupid. The whole point is to try and get less of it. We’re gonna incept your teacher. …Y-You’re frustrating me.” “My story begins at the dawn of time in the far away realm of Alphabetrium.” “How do you feel about all the innocent people that are dying because of your choices?” “Hungry for Apples?” “Sometimes science is a lot more art than science. A lot of people don’t get that.” – Rick “I’m Tiny Rick! – Tiny Rick” “I know I’m new to the Citadel and some of you might think I haven’t put in my time but what can I say? I’m Cool Rick!” “Sometimes science is more art than science, Morty. Lot of people don’t get that.” Rick “If I let you make me nervous, then we can’t get schwifty.” “This is the supergenius equivalent of dying on the toilet.” “Get off the high road Summer. We all got pink eye because you won’t stop texting on the toilet. Rick” “I just want to go back to Hell, where everyone thinks I’m smart and funny.” “Lemme check my list of powers and weaknesses: ability to do anything, but only whenever I want.” “Let’s get this dumb universe rollin’!” “My interdimensional portal device… it’s got no charge left, Morty. It’s got no charge left. It’s as good as garbage, Morty.” “I’m sorry, Morty. It’s a bummer. In reality you’re as dumb as they come. Rick” “Nine seasons, Morty! Nine more seasons until I get that dipping Szechuan sauce. And 97 more years, Morty!” “Don’t deify the people who leave you” “Great dancing as always, Tiny Rick.” “I’m not staring at you. I’m a cyborg photographer.” “Come home to the flavor of shattering the grand illusion. Come home to Simple Rick’s.” “School’s not a place for smart people. I know that’s not a popular opinion, but that’s my two cents on the issue.” “I’m Pickle Riiiick!” “My kind has no use for names. I communicate through what you call, “”Jessica’s feet.”” No, “”telepathy.””” “We both know if there’s a truth in the universe, it’s that Ricks don’t care about Mortys.” “Burger time!” “What is my purpose?”” “”You pass butter.”” “”…Oh my God.”” “”Yeah, welcome to the club, pal. – Butter Robot,” “Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you but what people call “love” is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science. Rick” “Ovenless brownies!” “The world is full of idiots who don’t understand what’s important! And they’ll try to tear us apart, Morty!” “I’m not looking for judgement, just a yes or no. Can you assimilate a giraffe? Rick” “Get off the high road, Summer. We all got pink eye because you won’t stop texting on the toilet.” “Oh, unbelievable. We got a bunch of… computer people here, with their faces stuffed in computer screens. Do you guys realize Christ was born today? Jesus Christ our Savior was born today! A-A-Are you people even human?” “You know, the only problem here is a big fat brain that misses eating all them big fat problems” “Lambs to the cosmic slaughter!” “Boom! Big reveal! I turned myself into a pickle!” “Huntin’ a vampire with my grandkids! Tiny Rick!” “What, so everyone’s supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?” “Rick. I am pleased that you and your family could witness my melding ceremony” “its a device Morty, that when you put it in your ear, you can enter people’s dreams Morty. Its just like that movie that you keep crowing about Rick” “Oxygen-rich atmosphere… Giant testicle monsters… Let’s keep the party going!” “Ugh. You guys get the baskets. I’ll try to disarm the drunkenly improvised neutrino bomb.” “I was using ghoulish overkill! Ghoulish overkill, Summer!” “If I die in a cage, I lose a bet.” “Think for yourselves. Don’t be sheep.” “He’s not pressing charges… That’s gotta be the “you shot me” equivalent of not being mad. ” –Rick “Existence is pain to a meeseeks Jerry, and we will do anything to alleviate that pain. Meeseeks” “Weddings are basically funerals with cake. ” –Rick “How’s your fake grandpa, aka the Devil?”